Real Money Conversations ·
What would it take for work to become optional? It's probably not the big number you've been chasing. It's the monthly number that pays for the life you actually want.
I was getting ready one morning, thinking about an interview I'd heard with Amy Porterfield. She talked about growing her business to the point where she could retire her husband. My first thought was that I would love to retire Jimmy. He may never stop working, because he loves his job. But I would love to give him the choice.
That is what most people mean when they talk about retirement. I don't know a single person who wants to sit in a chair for the rest of their life. They want to leave a job, step away from the nine-to-five, or stop keeping a pace that no longer fits. They want work to be optional. The question underneath that is simple, and very few people have answered it: what does that cost?
I call the answer your freedom number: the amount of monthly cash flow you need coming in to live a work-optional life.
I work with a couple in their seventies. Their estate is roughly $3 million, spread across real estate, annuities, pensions and retirement accounts. He felt completely secure and was sure they would have plenty. She came to me because she didn't know whether they would have enough.
Same household, same assets, two completely different experiences. The difference came down to clarity. She doesn't manage the money in their home, so she didn't know their cash flow, and she didn't know whether they were protected. At that stage of life, after watching parents and siblings pass, the questions get personal fast. Will I be taken care of? Will there be enough for a home, or for the care I might need? Will I be on my own?
We are working through it together, alongside their financial advisor, so she can see what he already believes. The money didn't need to change. Her understanding of it did.
That is why I say money is emotional before it's mathematical. The numbers bring clarity and support, and they matter. But I have worked with many people who chased a number expecting it to deliver security, happiness or freedom, reached it, and still didn't feel any of those things.
I recently gave a keynote for the Nevada Court Reporters Association in Lake Tahoe about where peace, security and freedom actually live in your finances. Afterward, a few people came up and told me they had followed Dave Ramsey for years and were still stressed about money. That conversation happens in my office every week.
When I work with individuals and couples, the three things they want most are peace, security and freedom. Within a couple, one partner often cares more about one of them than the other does. Your money personality plays a part: dreamers tend to be driven by freedom, and savers tend to be driven by security.
Peace is usually described by what it isn't: not stressed, not frustrated, not tense every time money comes up. In practice, peace means waking up with clarity and a sense of control. It means a regulated nervous system and the ability to decide what you do with your time. The first exercise I give clients is to learn what they make, what they spend and what they keep each month. The second is to open a spending account, so spending stops being a constant source of judgment and conflict. At the keynote I had the whole room say "It's OK to spend money" out loud. People laughed, and then most of them noticed exactly where they tensed up.
Security is knowing there will be enough. It means your cash flow is moving, your debt is managed, you can get to your money when you need it, you are building wealth and you are protected. What we saw growing up shapes it heavily. So does the pressure of the sandwich generation, paying for kids' futures while watching our parents' finances.
Freedom comes after those two. I rarely start with the freedom number, even though it brings clarity. I have had many clients who reached their number and still didn't feel free, because peace and security weren't in place yet.
Your freedom number is the amount of money you need coming in each month, as cash flow, to live a work-optional life. You don't have to punch a clock, because what you have saved and invested covers how you want to live.
Cash flow is money that arrives regularly. Right now that is probably a W-2 paycheck or an owner's draw from your business. Over time it can also come from:
My friend Maury had built a large real estate portfolio chasing success and cash flow. When he finally got clear on his number, it was around $10,000 a month, far less than he had assumed. He has since paid off properties and sold others because he knows what enough looks like for him.
Most people discover the same thing. You probably don't need as much as you think you do. The number feels impossible when it's undefined, and that uncertainty is where much of the anxiety comes from.
This is a rule-of-thumb approach for getting your arms around the number. It isn't a substitute for a full plan with a financial advisor.
Know what you make, spend and keep today. One commonly cited benchmark puts the median household at about $7,500 a month. Many of the couples I work with earn twice that and still don't feel it's enough, so treat the benchmark loosely. Your own number is the one that matters.
Back out your debt. Your freedom number assumes the mortgage, car payments, student loans and credit cards are paid off, or that your cash flow covers them without you working.
Add what your life will include. That means travel, the things you want to do and healthcare, which is one of the biggest unknowns for most people heading toward Medicare.
Apply the rule of thumb. For every $1,000 a month you want in retirement, plan on roughly $300,000 invested at a 4% withdrawal rate.
Subtract guaranteed income. Take out Social Security, pensions and other reliable income. What's left is your gap.
Here is what that looks like for us. Once our debt is paid off, our fixed costs in Las Vegas will be about $1,000 a month. With travel, healthcare and everyday living added in, we estimate that about $8,000 a month will cover the life Jimmy and I want once the boys are grown. On its own, that would take about $2.4 million invested (8 × $300,000).
We won't need all of that from savings. Jimmy has a pension, and we both expect Social Security. If I estimate about $3,000 a month from Social Security, our gap is about $5,000 a month, which works out to roughly $1.5 million invested. If we stopped working before Social Security began, or if it changed (I'm almost 47, and none of us knows for certain), the larger figure would matter more. Knowing both numbers gives us a plan and a reason to stay on it.
These figures are estimates for illustration, not financial advice. Every situation is unique and depends on your individual circumstances and goals, including your age, timeline, inflation, taxes, healthcare and investment returns. Use this as a starting point, and work with a qualified financial advisor to build a plan for your situation.
If you read those numbers and felt your stomach drop, pay attention to that. Avoiding the question won't make it smaller. Not knowing costs you sleep. It leaves you feeling alone in a conversation nobody around you seems to be having. For some people it shows up as habits that numb the worry rather than address it.
When you look at it directly, things improve. Debt gets handled. Cash flow gets better. You stop fixating on the price of gas and start paying attention to what actually drives your financial life: housing, lifestyle creep and the things we buy that we don't need in order to live well.
Money is also renewable. Markets drop and recover. People rebuild after divorce, addiction and financial failure. Wherever you are starting from, there is a way forward.
So what's your freedom number? Have this conversation with your partner, your advisor and the people you trust with money. Bring it up at your next dinner with friends. It goes better when you aren't figuring it out alone.
The beliefs and patterns shaping your financial decisions often influence the way you show up in your relationships, your work, and your life. Understanding those patterns is where change begins.
Weekly Letters
Money patterns, the beliefs underneath them, and the conversations most people avoid. Written the way it sounds here — no noise, no urgency.
This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute individualized financial, investment, tax or legal advice. All figures are estimates, and every situation is unique and subjective to your individual circumstances and goals. Consult a qualified professional before making financial decisions.
